Today is the first day of the rest of my life….I am seeing things so clearly now.

I am going to attach what I wrote today…..+ my about me page…..if you don’t feel like you’ve known me forever, then maybe I am not the right one for this adventure. I am a photographer…so I am going to attach not just what I look like, but more so what I see……and how I see it. I hope a pdf is good for you. I am on a MAC and like to use pages. If you still want a word document just let me know. Just to let you know…i ordered the workbook last night, but just your blog / video  and whenigrowupcoach.com in less than a day got me here. Thank you so much already.

-sam

who am i…

June 15, 2010

being a child….

i can feel it like it was yesterday, but reality is that it was many many years ago.

where has the time gone.i can remember so clearly the history of my youth. watching my daughter, i get flashbacks of me at her age. i love it.

it’s funny how remember most of the good and block out the bad.

when i was young….i was always waiting…

waiting to ride a 2 wheeler….waiting for my tooth to fall out….waititng to get my liscense…ok so i didn’t wait…i got it in the next state @ 16…..then fake id. i was good at not having to wait…always found the loop hole to expidite the process.

in reality why was i in such a rush…..where was i going…..at 15 i was given the oppurtunity to run away.

Being that I was super bored in high school….I needed more,so one that was 7000 miles away was perfect. Little did I know that this would be one of those life changing moments…that year changed my path. and I went happily never looking back. I truly believe certain people and moments alter your life.

This was a big one….bigger than my parents getting divorced, switching schools……

Not only did it teach me that americans are a spoiled nation who live way beyond their means, and truly don’t know what it means to live life. They are too busy trying to keep up with the Jones’s.

who knows who I would of bee , where I would be if I would of returned to the states to finish high school.

would i still be a single mom, almost 38 years old ? a photographer ? world traveler?

when i was freshman i took a commercial arts class, mind you pre computers… i received a D+….

my mom (WHO IS A VERY CREATIVE PERSON)  told me i didn’t have one creative bone in my body.

(oh wait is there a bone in your tonque). Now 20 years later i still don’t like to color, draw, or paint. I do however like to take photos, and design on the computer….and finally after so many years of wanted to learn how to sew + 10 years of collecting vintage fabrics…..i am doing it.

So yes i would say I am CREATIVE…..

I believe that living like a vagabond and traveling around the world really opened my true me.

It helped me become the person i needed to be.

Japan and everything in it is probably the biggest influence on how i see what i see.

The world is such a big place….why would i want to go to the moon when i haven’t seen all there is to see on earth.

I have friends that i grew up with in Jersey….that have never left the Tri- state area.

there is nothing to be afraid of….embrace it….it helped me understand myself better.

i feel out of tune, like a guitar.

THE GREAT DEBATE….on destiny.

is our destiny already written for us in life?

if so then by changing your path…do you alter your destiny?

lately i have been thinking alot about my life…

i am ziah’s mom. i am sam i am photography…..but what happened to me?

where did i go?

I got lost somewhere between potty training and my 3rd year of Sam I Am photography.

I feel trapped and alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love both of those roles in my life and wouldn’t change them for the anything in the world.

I just want, no actually need to reconnect with me.

i am a fighter…it’s is part of who i am / my dna… like a 2nd skin.

The school of life taught me well.

Our life is what we make of it.

probably the last 10 years I haven’t been able to sit down and read. I don’t know why.

I can scan over a magazine….browse other peoples blogs…..

in reality my life is my movie. no need for reality tv.

until yesterday i couldn’t pinpoint  what it was….i need to go and explore and reconnect with the me.

the me i was when i was traveling, and i want my daughter to expierence this too.

true adventures start with  desire, an inclination to enter the unknown.

I have decided to take ziah and just go for a year. When i was traveling i met so many families who did this. I promised myself i would….and here i am at the beginning

Preparation Stage Begins….

I know this is the right thing and the right time. the talmud says you start to see things not as they are, but as you are. I haven’t felt something so right in a very long time. I am excited……

ME  /  MYSELF / + / I

quotes to live by

be thankful.

dream big.

and never give up.

- nick vujicic

discover your passion and go for it.

love what you’re doing.

be happy.

have a greater purpose.

and you will never look back.

-unknown

One of my favorites

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living,

It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.

Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities”

–Dr.Seuss

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in. – Rachel Carson

Doing what I do, takes me back to different parts of my childhood. Things I haven’t thought about in years, like it was yesterday. I am talking about things that happened 20 yrs ago. Childhood is a beautiful time! We don’t really appreciate it till much later. My grandmother told me many years ago “youth is wasting on the young”….Now at 37 I get it ( at 10 yrs old not so much).

I think kids should be able to play, not driven around from activity to activity. They need time to imagine, explore….make believe. Be outside. In *my* day, we played until our parents told us to come home for dinner or when it was dark. I know our world is a different place today than when we were young, and this saddens me.

Am I just trying to hold on to my childhood….to a simpler world….

Being a photographer allows me to relive my memories, by recreating them for you and your children.

So I must thank you as well.

Happy Mother’s Day

xox

samantha

Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood. – Fred Rogers

Life – What I would tell her

April 9, 2010 ~ Ziah my love

I have had so much on my mind lately, busy with work, so much going on. I haven’t really be in tune with myself or my surroundings.  The last few months, since the New Year  I’ve been thinking  about what I’m meant to do in this world…deep down I feel that I’m meant to do more, I just don’t know what. I have so many things I want to do and see.

Like everything else in my life…I make lists….I even have a photo bucket list …places I want to go, techniques I want to master that one perfect shot….So much to do, seems like so little time.

Today it finally came to me….the question that is.

Am I living my life or just existing in this world…I feel like I am going through the motions but with no real pleasure. I am more than this…This isn’t how my story goes.

I want to be more present, Ziah you are growing up so fast….slow down. This past Funday, which was Wednesday, last day of spring break, couldn’t have been any better. I look at you in awe, and wonder if what I did before I had you. You fill my world up. I don’t know where to start…long kisses, eskimo + butterfly, your knock knock jokes, tiny quick steps, your amazing behavior + manners, truly made momma proud…5 stars. I want more days like this.

I think being a grown-up is overrated. What is so bad about having fun and being silly? For some reason people feel they have to act a certain way once they turn a certain age. But, life should be fun, not always so serious. So, I feel it is important to find a good balance between your inner child and your adult self. I sometimes take things too seriously, so I want to find a good balance.

It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.

Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the   memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change as do you.

Always remember that everyone is born an original,  and your fun is only limited by your imagination.

A few months ago I was happy to open a fellow photographers blog that I follow Deb Schwedhelm that displayed a video created by Katherine Center for the Mom 2.0: Defining A Movement (click on mom 2.0)

Defining Moments:  It says the things that I would tell you one day…:

-

WHAT I WOULD TELL HER:

(If I knew what to say.)
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up.  But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is.  And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this:  What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift.  Tenderness is a gift.  Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is nothing short of a privilege. That’s why I have to love you this way.  So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on. I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times.  And I know something that you don’t, yet:

You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.

Ziah Papaya…this is your story. I am just happy to be along for the ride.

I look forward to everyday, even when you are cranky.

Never change who you are, always be true to yourself. Live life, love alot, and laugh till you cry…

Love you forever + ever

Ema